Office Memos

Today we got an email memo notifying all of the staff that there was a fly invasion in our building, maintenance has been notified of the issue by several staff members, the maintenance will troubleshoot this issue, and we will get status updates on the fly situation.

Ok, maybe it wasn't an invasion, but there were a lot of flies buzzing around our nice downtown building. More importantly, the fact that we got a "memo" about it made me suddenly feel like I was in "Office Space." Therefore in homage of my new life in the 9-5 office grind, here are my own memos:

To: Mr. Coffee
Re: Life Support

I apologize for abandoning you for tea these past few years, but thank you for taking me back. Simply smelling the espresso roast this morning perked me up. I finally had the energy to make it through the day; I may be coming back for more.

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To: Construction Workers Outside My Building
Re: Hours of Construction

Is it really necessary to start jackhammering at 6am? Especially when people have their windows open on summer nights to save money on air conditioning? Despite being a morning person, I do not like to be woken up that early by absurdly loud noises. Please start later.

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To: Mr. Express Distributor at Van Ness Metro
Re: Express, a Publication of the Washington Post

Thank you for your cheerful disposition as you hand out free copies of the Express each morning. Your greetings and jokes really brighten up my day, and I love to see people enjoying what they do. Furthermore, your publications also provide my roommate and I amusement as we read ridiculous horoscopes riding down the escalator to the metro.

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To: Building Maintenance
Re: Thermostat

I would greatly appreciate it if we did not have to keep the office at 30 degrees everyday. Despite using duct tape and GAO reports to cover the vents, and wearing a sweater everyday, I am still cold. The only one benefit is that I do not have to walk over to the kitchen to refridgerate my lunch.

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To: Flies
Re: Extermination

You might have won these past two days, but we will get you.

kpd