Wish List

To get her through law school, one of my friends is planning her "bar trip," which is typically a long vacation after the August bar exam, somewhere around the world. Though I laughed at her because I prefer more immediate rewards to studying, I realized that I do have little things that I'm looking forward to in my post-law school life.

Lasik Eye Surgery: Hopefully I'll find a job with a good healthcare plan, or at least a salary that will help me pay for lasik eye surgery. I'm really getting sick of contacts and glasses. Plus I'm sure by the end of law school, after reading millions of pages of tiny print and staring at the computer screen, my eyes will bad enough to really justify this to myself. Lord knows that I wouldn't use the at home appliance (right), that's just a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Lexus GS Hybrid (or something similar): Now that my parents sold my car to my grandma and I am carless, I've been doing some "car shopping." Though the car market will probably be different in a few years, I'd like some kind of hybrid/fuel efficient car. It also must have a GPS system, and automatic parallel parking would also be a big plus.

An Avocado Tree: My brother's friend had an avocado tree that was so full of avocados, that my brother would get to bring home bags of them. I miss fresh guacamole. Also considering how much avocados cost in the market, that's saving a lot of money. A lemon tree and a pomegranate tree would also be fun to have, especially after living on the East Coast where produce is overpriced and not very good.

Kitchenaid Artisan Stand Mixer: ...along with the complete kitchen that has huge counters and chrome appliances. I feel like the kitchen in the house I grew up in was the focal point of the house. I studied at the kitchen table and we would eat dinner together every night there. Although I've lived in really nice apartments, I haven't had an open and spacious kitchen.

The NY Times Delivered: Even though I read many newspapers online, I want to lie in bed on Sundays and read the NY Times or any other major newspaper. Growing up, we had a subscription to the LA Times and I loved reading through all the different sections, doing the crossword, and getting newsprint on my fingers.

Wow, I just realized in making this list that so many of the things that I want in the future are things with a lot of nostalgic value, things from the days of yore. Even my then good eyesight.

Sectionalism

Section 1: the old, kinky, or married people section. Known as anti-social, but we found ways to have fun that didn't require bar review. Had the best schedule, and some of us even managed to never have Friday classes. We loved Vaughn and his ties, were confused but still loved Candy and Bennett, entertained by Marcus' non-pc remarks and Davis' animated personality, and what can we say about Hunter? And through an orchestrated plan of attack, we won the intersection penny wars and confirmed our section superiority.

In the words of my friend Vicki, today was the best day of law school. Even though we still have one more day of classes and final exams, the school treated us to to section parties at Guapos, the infamous Mexican place by school (not like how we do it on the west coast, but not bad). It was a great break before heading back to the books, we had lots of good food, and it tons of fun hanging out with people from your class out of class. It was even fun talking to the profs, who stopped by. I'm going to miss my section and seeing them all the time. They'll always be like my first year family.

The Luckiest Girl

I remember when I interned out in DC a few years ago, I randomly got a room 2x the size of everyone else, and my friend Greg got a room 2/3 the size of a normal room. Understandly bitter that my room was 3x the size of his and that I was assigned to live with amazing roommates, he told me, "Kristina, everything always works out for you."

Though my life hasn't been perfect, I do have to admit that I am a very fortunate and lucky person. In addition to making it onto admin law review this week, I also found out that I received two fellowships that will cover a nice portion of my tuition next year. Some people may not believe in luck but I do; because even though I worked hard for these things and everything else in my life, I'm cognizant of the fact that there are plenty people in the world who are just if not more hardworking and good people who aren't as fortunate.

If there's anything that was really instilled into me by my parents and I believe my public education, is that I'm not entitled to anything. Not that I have low expectations, they're actually quite high of myself and others. But I don't think anything's a sure bet no matter how much I work. Sometimes things just happen, good or bad; whether it be lucky, fate, God's will, or just being at the right/wrong place at a certain time.

I remember one of my friends from my first year of college; in addition to having his computer stolen, the computer he ordered off of ebay turned out to be a box of bricks. He didn't deserve that. Neither did the people who were killed at Virginia Tech. Neither did the guy who was sitting in a van and died after a tree fell on him. Most of the time I say that things happen for a reason, but it's really hard to justify death.

This wasn't meant to come out as so morbid. I guess I was just coming to accept the fact that I do think I'm a lucky person and instead of relying on that or feeling guilty, I'm just going to try to make the most of what I have and have been given.

And just as an epilogue, even though Greg lived in a small room and had bad roommates that summer, he's going to Harvard Law school next year and will probably be an incredible environmental lawyer helping developing nations. And that's mostly because he's an amazing and brilliant person, but maybe he'll even admit just a little bit of luck too.

More Thoughts...

This event has impacted everyone. From the people actually at Virginia Tech, to college students across the nation, to parents, to the everyday person who saw the horrific or somber images in the news. No one really knows what to think but we all read and talk about it to try to make sense of the senseless.

There really isn't more to be said that hasn't been said, but I will bring up one thing that I've found unique in my own reflection. I've realized that no matter how close or far I can feel from Asian identity on a particular day, there's always a connection or reflex when the person in the news is of the same race, for good or bad. How I'll cheer a little harder when it's Michelle Kwan competing in the Olympics, or how I'll be even more sad or angry when I find out that the gunman of the largest school shooting is a Korean American.

It's not that I favor or disfavor my race over others; I think it's that I worry how others perceive us. And while I feel like they taught us in elementary school to not care about what others think about you, it's hard. Having been called a "ch*nk" before in college (1. you would think college kids would be far above this, wrong, 2. you would think that people could even get the right racial slur, wrong), I just worry what further stereotypes will ensue. Oh those crazy Asians. Oh those introverted Asian kids who don't have social skills. Oh those people who don't belong in our country. I guess it does hit home since in high school I was told to "go back to where you belong." I still remember that anonymous phone call.

Then on Facebook today, I saw someone on the VT Memorial page post "F*cking Ch*nks, deport them all." Great. Naturally there's no help from the media, who plasters "Asian gunman" across their headlines, or "Student from Korea" like he just came off the boat, when really, he's been here since he's been 8. I feel like they've moved from the racial spin to the gun control spin, but nonetheless I feel like the media needs to realize what damage they can do by trying to capture reader attention.

Overall though, I'm trying not think about this race issue too much because there will always be ignorant people and you can't help what stupid things they believe. Moreover, it's not what's important here. It's a travesty no matter what skin color the gunman had, and the real focus should be on what a horrible event this was and how we can prevent it in the future.

Apocalypse Now?

Though I never read the Book of Revelations, I feel like the four horsemen should be coming soon, ushering in the end of the world.

I woke up many times last night and early this morning because of the 50 mph wind blowing through DC. Living on the 9th floor, my apartment windows were shaking so hard from the gusts of wind, it almost felt and sounded like tremors of an earthquake. All around DC, Virginia, and Maryland, trees fell down, blocking roads and making people's usual 20 minutes commutes over 2 hours long. Delays in travel for airplanes is even worse, with floods and snowstorms covering the Northeast. Even perfect California is not immune with uncharacteristically strong wind.

Then as we sat in class today and listened to the winds howl (strong enough to apparently to knock down a tree outside of our school in the middle of the day), we hear news of the shooting at Virginia Tech University, killing 33 students. Words cannot even describe how sad and terrifying that is. Prayers to all those students, people affected, and their families.

Between the out of control weather, schoolhouse shootings, and everything else going wrong in the world (war, genocide, poverty, terrorism, the usual bad stuff), sometimes I wonder if we're doomed. I know that my friends and I have talked about whether we'd even want to have kids and put them in this kind of world. Ok, we're not actually serious about self-sterilization, but after reading one too many criminal law cases, it's easy to lose faith in humanity. Sometimes it just seems like there's so much bad that is spiraling out of control, and too large for us to even do anything. I wonder if previous generations ever felt this way about the future.

On a happier, and much different note, Alex's layover in DC became a little more permanant due to the brutal NY weather conditions. So he's "stranded" at my apartment until possibly Wednesday. Plus, my mom sent me a bag of dark chocolate as a belated Easter basket and to help me with studying. For all the doom and gloom that I'm writing about today, I guess there are still people who give me hope.

One of those days...

Between my optimism and compulsive need to rationalize everything out, I feel like it takes a lot to make me grumpy. But today was one of those days.

That East Coast storm is hitting DC; granted not as badly as it's hitting other parts of the country, but it was coming down pretty hard and it was really windy. Though I really didn't want to leave my apartment, I forced myself to go to a review video over at GW law because I couldn't make the showing at American next week.

To make a long story short, after walking half a mile in the pseudo-hurricane with a partially broken umbrella and sitting through 3 hours of videos that I really didn't need so I could get to the subjects I really needed help with, they didn't have the video with the last 2 hours. This company has two jobs, bringing the videos and playing them; it's not that hard! For those people who claim that everything works out for me, here is an example of when it doesn't.

Now my optimistic/rational self would say: this isn't such a big deal, plus you still got a lot of work done. But every once in a while I'll let myself be human and feel those negative emotions. I mean really, who likes coming home soggy?

PS. I am actually fine now after having a funny conversation with my mom about family news/gossip. I knew it wasn't possible for me to stay grumpy too long.